


Scratch the Surface

by doitall, orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-26 12:10:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9895934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doitall/pseuds/doitall, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Do Kyungsoo is a grumpy actor who gets his life shaken up by the whirlwind that is popular idol singer Byun Baekhyun.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Written for do-itall fic fest (Prompt #205)
> 
> Author's Note: I really hope I could this prompt some justice. And I am really sorry for any typos or other grammatical errors.

 

Kyungsoo wishes he had never left the holy warmth of his bed. He is currently sitting in his favourite coffeeshop in Seoul , resting his head onto his arms and he really wants to go home. M ost of its visitors are elderly people , which is pretty much the sole reason  he frequents this particular coffee regularly. Besides the owners aren’t nosy. But this morning he definitely has a streak of bad luck. First he broke his favourite mug and now a group of teenage girls is giving him the headache of his life. This place was supposed to be his safe haven! He wishes those schoolgirls a few tables away would finally shut up about their irrelevant lives. He doesn’t care about their newest crush and how bad they want to get into the pants of some male idol. They don’t even bother to lower their voices, he can hear everything they are saying.  EVERYTHING . He definitely needs to go to therapy after what  h is poor ears have to ordeal right now. Do they even know what they are talking about? If they won’t shut up in the next ten seconds he doesn’t see any other way but to kill himself. No. First he is going to kill them and then himself. 

Obviously he can’t tell them any of that, chances are pretty high that they would recognise him. He won’t be chased this early by some insane fangirls, thank you very much. He doesn’t see himself as a classic idol actor but he knows he is popular nonetheless. Although being famous is the part of his job he would skip immediately if he had an actually saying in it. He sighs. Why did he have to get up this early? He is not even  a  morning person. Drawing his black hoodie deeper into his face he sighs again. A cup of steaming coffee is placed in front of Kyungsoo, courtesy of his manager J u nmyeon. Kyungsoo lifts his head from the table he sort of drooled on for the last five minutes. He hears rumbling beside him. Thank god, they are leaving! He doesn’t have to become a murderer after all.

“Yifan sent me his final decision regarding the cast of ‘Surface’.” Junmyeon chirps. Kyungsoo will never understand how Junmyeon can be this positive all the time. But who is he to complain, he knows no one else would put up with him. He likes to think they are friends, they have known each other since the beginning of his career and Junmyeon has somehow become his anchor. But he would never tell Joonmyeon that.

“Finally” Kyungsoo tries to stifle his yawn. Junmyeon doesn’t even arch a brow at the poor attempt.  “Most of the actors are unknown, many of them are rookies…” Junmyeon goes on about all the people involved but misses out on the important part.

Kyungsoo takes a sip of his coffee and grimaces, it tastes awful. He tries to be patient, but loses it anyway when J u nmyeon starts rattling about Yifan. He doesn’t care why J u nmyeon thinks the director is amazing, he is totally aware how capable Yifan is, and contrarily to his manager he can be objective about the tall mans  ‘ merits ’ .

“Interesting hyung”, he disrupts Junmyeons happy chatter, “but WHO will star as the other lead?” 

“That is indeed interesting. Yifan chose Baekhyun.” 

“Whom?” Kyungsoo is not ringing any bells. “Byun Baekhyun.” Joonmyeon acts as if Kyungsoo was supposed to know who this person is, which irritates him. A lot. “Joonmyeon hyung, I have no idea who that is?!?”  

“You know the singer of the group ‘Chenbaeksi’?” 

“Oh.” He still has no idea who this guy is, but he would have to live under a stone to not know about the famous idol group ‘Chenbaeksi’. If he remembers correctly the obnoxious schoolgirls earlier had talked about bedding one of its members. The one with the pretty hands. Whatever thats supposed to mean.

“I hate you.” He deadpans. “Why?” His manager acts indignant. “I think you will balance each other out well. Baekhyun is pretty and lively while you could be mistaken for a grumpy dwarf.”

“You know my stance on idols singers.” Kyungsoo fumes at Junmyeon. “And I am most certainly not a dwarf.” Maybe he is not the tallest  but due to some workout his shoulders are broad and he is manlier than his manager will ever be. Okay maybe that isn’t true. Junmyeons abs look like Michelangelo carved them out himself, but he would rather eat snails than to ever say that out aloud.

“Oh come on, it’s about time that you lose that attitude of yours Kyungsoo- ah. It’s not my fault that you remind me of a dwarf. You are small and your posture is really bad.”

Kyungsoo decides to ignore his manager. He takes another sip of his coffee. Don ’t get him wrong, he doesn’t actually care that much about idol singers  as long as they don’t get into his way. He remembers the last time he starred in a drama which stank of mediocre actors. All of them were famous idol singers, foremost known for their looks. Although to be fair some of them could actually sing and dance.  He cares deeply about this project and the prospect to work with one of those incapable people bugs him.

Turns out some schoolgirls molesting his ears wasn't the worst part of this goddamn day.

 

 

**##**

 

“You got the role, congratulations.”

Baekhyun is slowly laying down his phone and stares at his reflection. He and Jongdae are currently getting their make up done.  He doesn’t care how unattractive his gaping mouth must look right now. But nonetheless he shuts it. And then he sniffles. Jongdae beside him throws him a surprised glance through the mirror. He merely shakes his head. His make up artist chides him and dabs at the corner of his eyes where his eyeliner is starting to dissolve. Baekhyun apologises with a small smile and tries to stop the waterworks. Put the emphasis on ‘tries’.

“Baek?” Jongdae sounds worried. 

“I’m fine.” He laughs but sounds rather miserable with all the snot clogging his nose.

“For a second I thought someone died.” 

“Haha not yet Jongdae, not yet.” Jongdae vocalises his dissatisfaction with that cryptic answer. “Tell me whats going on Baek!” Baekhyun ignores him. He doesn’t want to think about what his company will say. Their judgment already ringing in his ears. How dare he to go to a casting without their permission, to audition for a role that controversial. Because honestly he didn’t think that he would get the role in the first place. He straightens his shoulders. This is going to be tough. For once in his life he wants to be selfish. He genuinely hopes Minseok and Jongdae will understand.

 

**##**

 

Kyungsoo reads through the script for the  umpteenth time. 

Some of the scenes are intense. There is actually going to be a sex scene between the male protagonists. He doesn’t have to wonder how most of still conservative Korea will react. But he values Yifan for his unapologetic approach of difficult subjects. Although he knows all of the involved parts will face backlash. Quite frankly he doesn’t care. The last drama series he was casted in also touched a topic considered to be a taboo in South Korea. Nonetheless it did fairly well and received lots of praise by critics for speaking that open about mental health issues. Kyungsoo feels restless. Filming is going to start in a few days and he can feel the giddiness that always starts to creep upon him before a big shoot. He doesn’t want to fuck up. But this time he is more scared that someone else is going to fuck this up. 

To distract himself he decides to grocery shop. Kyungsoo always liked routine and he wasn’t willed to change any of it even when his career evolved and he started gaining popularity. But in order to stick to mundane things like buying groceries or browsing bookstores all the places he visits have one necessity in common: They reek of elderly people. Elderly people with poor eyesight and no idea of the current pop culture. It took him some time to scout those places but they were definitely worth the hassle. As always he visits the same food store the one who is opened 27-7 and strolls down the aisles gathering food for the following week. While he meticulously picks the vegetables and fruits he hums to ‘Eat’ by Zion.T, one of the contemporary artists he appreciates not only for his personality but also his distinct style. Thinking of artists without integrity makes him angry.

Kyungsoo knows too many idol actors are only casted to increase viewer ratings. He knows how the business works. Idols are marionettes of their companies and nothing more, they don’t get to choose what they wear or what they say or even what character they portray. In a way they are actors as well. It’s all about looks and fan services. He couldn’t do it. Although the movie industry isn’t that different. But at least he gets to choose in which movie projects he is going to participate. Well, most of the time. Even he has to compromise from time to time, taking roles the mainstream public wants him to. How else is he going to pay his bills? But he values the tiny bits of freedom he has. 

He absolutely despises to work with those idol actors, they are fake and they only take roles that let them shine, never something out of character like an antihero. You scratch the surface they call their personality and there is only more surface,  there is no depth to th em. He wants to hit something right now. Instead he throws the cucumber he is holding in his hand into the tray and heads to the grocery clerk, a nice elderly woman who always asks him about his day. Most people annoy him, they always have ulterior motives, but she doesn’t know he is famous and for some reason he is fond of her. He even endures the stories about her grandchildren. 

 

##

 

The first table read is quite frankly a disaster. After all the actors are introduced to each other the reading immediately started. Kyungsoo is already annoyed by Baekhyun and his chirpy personality and his expectant eyes when he asks Kyungsoo to take care of him. Baekhyun is handsome and people are automatically swooned by him. Kyungsoo huffs. He is not that easy. It annoys him even more that nobody cares that Baekhyun basically fucks up the whole first scene. Yifan even gives him solace, saying it doesn’t matter since it is their first meet up.

 

##

 

Baekhyun doesn’t seem to get a hold of the Korean language, stuttering his way through the whole first scene. The conversation with his company took a bigger toll on him than he expected. His manager even yelled at him. His bandmates managed to make him burst into tears in front of everyone. Both Minseok and Jongdae stood up for him despite their initial surprise that he didn’t tell them about the whole thing. Gosh he loves them. “ He is relieved when Yifan calls for a break, he needs to calm his nerves. He goes outside the room just in time to overhear a conversation.

“Look at him Junmyeon, he can’t even say one straight sentences without stuttering.”

“Give him time, there is a reason Yifan chose him.”

“Well I hope you are right.”

“Try to be nice to him Kyungsoo.”

Baekhyun takes a step back, they didn’t see him. He is not going to cry again. But it hurts. He basically looks up to Kyungsoo, knows all of his movies. When they told him that he would be in the movie he almost hyperventilated. Why doesn’t Kyungsoo like him? He doesn’t even know Baekhyun? Maybe he is too loud for quiet and calm Kyungsoo? He knows he didn’t do well but he is going to improve. Baekhyun gulps down his tears and takes his seat again. He will work hard and show Kyungsoo that he is not useless. 

 

##

 

After the break it gets better. But still, what a mess. It’s has been an ordeal for Kyungsoo to hide his annoyance. Junmyeon knowing his temper, throws him worried glances from time to time. He doesn’t bother to ask why Junmyeon is even here. None of the other managers are. 

Kyungsoo huffs before he puts his attention to the ugly tasting coffee in front of him. He isn’t a coffee person, still, in order to survive he always manages to gulp the brownish liquid down. He isn’t a Baekhyun person either, but, you know, whatever.

 

**##**

 

Before the official shootings start Yifan decides to take them to a Korean SPA. Even Kyungsoo thinks it is quite considerate of Yifan wanting to make them comfortable with the whole crew, especially since he and Baekhyun will have to film a scene involving very little clothing. He is still annoyed though. Junmyeon is there as well (what a surprise) and Baekhyun tagged along his two bandmates. He chatters happily with them and seems so much more uninhibited than he is with Kyungsoo. He shouldn’t care. And to be honest he is not sure why it bothers him at all. He decides to not dwell on it.

Kyungsoo lowers is voice as he talks to Junmyeon.

“Why do we have to hang out so much with each other? It’s getting annoying.”

“Oh come on Kyungsoo. Yifan thinks it’s important.”

“Yeah, Yifan.Yifan. Yifan. I get it Junmyeon.” At least Junmyeon has the decency to blush. Kyungsoo catches him throwing a nervous glance in Yifans direction. Well somebody’s in deep.

Kyungsoo is fed up with the whole crew already. Not really their fault. He is not into wasting his precious free time with them, thats all. He also doesn’t want to interact with Baekhyun. His manager seem to read his thoughts.

“Is this still about Baekhyun?” Junmyeon sighs. “You have to get over that silly thing.”

Kyungsoo grumbles. 

“How is this movie going to work out, if you are not willing to interact with him? You know there is something like chemistry on screen, people will be able to notice.”

“Leave it Junmyeon. I am trying my best here.”

“Are you though? Cause it surely didn’t convince me today. The way you were glaring at Baekhyun. And don’t blame it on your poor eyesight Soo, we both now you are wearing contacts. Please try harder.” 

“Don’t call me that you…you meany.” Damn it Kyungsoo. He inwardly cringes at his own choice of words but he would never curse at Junmyeon. Junmyeon isn’t the type for that.

“Sometimes you are stubborn as fuck, do you know that.” Junmyeon apparently doesn’t have the same quarrels.

 

One of Baekhyuns bandmates looks weirdly at him. Kyungsoo does what he knows best, he ignores him. Junmyeon is engrossed with Yifan talking about something involving a certain James Webb telescope (?) and outer space. He doubts that Junmyeon is that interested in foreign galaxies but who is he to judge. Kyungsoo looks around.The whole setting more than familiar to him. In his most recent movie he played a judoist who had lost any purpose in life after he went blind. And there was a scene where his older brother was scrubbing his back in a traditional Korean bathhouse. He had to gain a lot of muscle mass to play this role authentically and although he went back to his old work out routine as soon as the filming was done, he is still quite bulky. He thinks fondly of the whole experience, had he never before sworn that much in a movie. And he is still friends with the other actors. Too engrossed in his own thoughts he almost misses that the others are already in the process of taking off their clothes. Kyungsoo by now is used to all the nakedness, he spent hours filming the same scene over and over again, wearing close to nothing. 

However Kyungsoo catches a self-conscious Baekhyun shying away from his gaze. Baekhyun might not be muscular but his proportions are still attractive. He can see that much even from a male perspective. But he guesses being an idol just fucks up your self perception. He is getting angry again. Thinking about the industry Baekhyun belongs to messes with his mood. He came her to relax. Ok not true, he came here, because Junmyeon forced him. For the third time this day he tries not to dwell on something that involves Byun Baekhyun.

 

**##**

 

“Kyungsoo!” He turns around looking expectantly at the director.

“Can I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure.” 

“I know you have your problem with idol actors but..” Stupid Junmyeon ratted on him.

“…can you try to establish a relationship with Baekhyun.”

“What do you mean?” Kyungsoo is worried. He thinks highly of Yifan and he doesn’t want him to think that he is unprofessional.

“Take him to your apartment after the shootings, eat together, talk, spend some time with each other.”

“Are sure that is necessary Yifan-ssi?”

Yifan nods with that serious expression of his. And Kyungsoo internally sighs.

“Fine, whatever you wish Yifan-ssi.”

 

**##**

 

Baekhyun applauds while leaning towards Minseok. 

“I need to go to the bathroom, be right back.” He gets up quickly and ducks when he has to cross the camera that is filming their reactions to the performances.

Awards shows can be tiring, no where else are they under such a huge scrutiny. Fan cameras everywhere, analysing even the tiniest change in their expressions. Still most of the time they are fun because he does get to meet friends who are also in the business. 

Baekhyun exits his bathroom stall and bumps into a familiar face.

“Jeongguk!” Baekhyun hugs him. He has pretty much seen him grow up. Jeongguk is still the shy boy he used to know. But his body is not quite matching that image anymore. Jeongguk is now taller than him and way stronger. Not that it bothers him.

“How are you Jeongguk-ah?” 

“Tired, but other than that great. Jeongguks eyes sparkle.

“Did you see our performance hyung?” 

“Of course, you were awesome, all of you.” 

He ruffles his hair. Baekhyun feels weird. Not the normal social anxiety weird but like something is off.

He chides himself. Stop being paranoid Baekhyun. Jeongguk keeps on blabbering about their new album and and how much he likes the songs. Baekhyun nods with a small smile on his lips, trying to shake of his paranoia. He doesn’t know why but he turns his head. Huh. He is looking into a shiny camera lens. What the fuck is going on?

He looks at Jeongguk, who just stands there like a deer caught in headlight. 

Baekhyun screams after the security guy. He can’t believe it. Somehow a sasaeng got into their bathroom and took pictures of them. It infuriates him as much as it scares him how close those crazy fans manage to get these day.

Jeongguk looks completely bummed out. Baekhyun touches his shoulder.

“Hey, its okay. They already made her delete the pictures.” He hears commotion behind them.

“Jeongguk- ah!” Taehyung pulls Jeongguk into a hug, not caring who is going to witness. Baekhyun discretely looks around them but the security guys are busy with securing the area. 

He has never seen Taehyung this angry. They are good friends, in the past the younger often sought advice from him. Their closeness caused a lot of backlash, mostly for Taehyung. Fans accused him of only using Baekhyun for getting more popular. It really seems to be a pattern in his life, that all people who associate with him eventually suffer repercussions. Taehyung is a great friend and one of the most interesting and kind people he has ever met. He always admired him for how efficiently he could put his charms to use. His fans adore him. Baekhyun adores him. And of course so does Jeongguk. Speaking of Jeongguk.

He still looks like a frightened little bunny. Baekhyun worries for him, he is too inexperienced concerning those matters. After a few minutes the other BTS members show up. Their leader Namjoon has a worried expression on his face, they must have already heard what happened. When they see Baekhyun they bow and then they pull Jeongguk with them. As soon as the others are out of sight, Taehyung visibly slumps down. All anger has left his face, replaced with something akin to exhaustion. Baekhyun hugs him. There is not much to say. Every word of solace would be bullshitting themselves.

“What if they had seen something else, hyung?” There is no need to voice it, Baekhyun knows what he means. The incident will be in the news, minus the pictures, but in this case the public would be on their side. Had it been one of them hugging or even kissing another guy, all hell would break lose. Baekhyun knows all too good of secret meet ups and stolen kisses between song recordings, dance practice and award shows. When he was dating Chanyeol it was the same, of course not to the same extent. They had hide their relationship at all costs. The popularity of BTS has skyrocketed over the last year, they are in the limelight 24-7, people would go berserk if word got out that some of the members aren’t straight. 

“I am so sorry Taehyung- ah.”

 

**##**

 

There is turmoil on set today. He sees the staff whispering, even Yifan looks slightly worried. He shrugs it of, doesn’t halt to talk to anyone on his way to his shared trailer with Baekhyun. Kyungsoo doesn ’ t even entertain the thought that this could be  serious .  And what does he care about their petty quarrels? Baekhyun is already there, looking absently onto his script. He doesn’t notice Kyungsoo, which is unusual to say the least. 

Kyungsoo coughs slightly. “I heard what happened to you and your friend.” 

“Yeah?” Baekhyun void of any emotion in his voice. Baekhyun looks at him, but at the same time does not look at him. His face istired, the skin under his eyes too thin for his age.

“Those sasaengs don’t know anything about boundaries.” 

Baekhyun doesn’t respond. Kyungsoo takes it as a clue to continue, wanting  to disrupt that  disconcerting silence . Normally Baekhyun would fill the whole trailer with his laughter.

“You know I used to be scared that the industry was going to typecast me. So I only played the heartthrob in those corny dramas when money was running low. I only later on realised that my preference for indie projects also protected me from obsessive fans. Most of the time.”

“I am so angry.” Baekhyun huffs. His puffy cheeks do funny things to Kyungsoo.

“It hurts to see my friends like this. Being in the public eye all the time is already hard enough. But figuring your shit out and growing up while everybody is watching you like Jeongguk did, I cannot even imagine. You should have seen him. He was horrified when he realised what was going on.”

“But why, I mean there is nothing wrong with using the bathroom?” 

“Yeah but- Jeongguk and Taehyung, they-“ Baekhyun bites his lips. He doesn’t want to spill any secrets that aren’t his to spill. It takes Kyungsoo a moment before he is able to grasp the implications of Baekyhuns words. Oh. Now he gets it, dangerous but not as uncommon as many would think. Baekhyun fidgets with the hem of his shirt. When he looks at Kyungsoo his eyes are sad.

“It would destroy their whole careers, everything they have worked for.” It would indeed.

“Life sometimes sucks.” Kyungsoo murmurs into his coffee.

Baekhyun can only nod in agreement. He looks behind Kyungsoo, his gaze unfocused like he suddenly remembers something. Going down the memory lane never did any good for Kyungsoo. But what does he know?

 

“ _Jongdae- ah, stop crying. It’s not that bad.” Baekhyun tries to comfort a clearly distraught Jongdae, who is currently clinging onto his shirt, as if the world itself would depend on it._

“ _I am awful. How can you even look at me.”_

“ _What are you talking about. So what, you are a pain in the ass who wants Minseoks ass. Thats not awful, just human.” Jongdae ugly laughs between his sobs, smearing snot all over him. Baekhyun is too relieved to care. It only lasts for a second though._

“ _But what if someone finds out.” Jongdae begins to wail again. “We are doomed hyung and it didn’t even start yet.” Hyung? Jongdae never calls him that. This must be serious._

“ _Shush, we always fool around and hug, no-one will question it, thats what you call fan service, Jongdae- ah.”_

“ _Really?” Jongdae looks at him eyes full of hope. And for a moment Baekhyun almost finds him cute, but then Jongdae sniffs back his snot._

“ _Ew Jongdae, use a tissue, for gods sake!”_

“ _I am sorry.” Jongdaes eyes start to fill with tears again. Baekhyun panics. He does the only reasonable thing he can think of, he hugs him._

“ _Whats going on here?” Minseoks soft voice queries behind them. He looks startled._

“ _Nothing.” Baekyhun says too quick to not be suspicious._

_Minseok raises his brow, while Jongdae keeps his face buried in Baekhyuns shirt. Baekhyun knows he is embarrassed to show Minseok his crying face._

“ _Can you give us a minute hyung?”_

_For a second there is a flash of hurt in Minseoks eyes, but Baekhyun doesn’t have the to time to dwell on it._

“ _Okay, but don’t forget we have to be in rehearsal in about 20 minutes.” With that he retreats. His face oddly stony. Jongdae anxiously disentangles his face from Baekhyuns chest, puffy from all the salty tears. “Minseok hyung doesn’t even know that I like him Baekhyunnie.” Baekhyun only listens peripherally to him, Minseoks behaviour popping into his mind._

_Could it be? Baekhyun ponders._

“ _Jongdae- ah I think Minseok might got the wrong impression.”_

“ _What do you mean?”_

“ _Don’t worry about that, let’s get your face cleaned up, we can’t miss rehearsals.”_

 

**##**

 

“Aaaand cut. Thats a wrap for today guys.”

Kyungsoo is positively surprised, Baekhyuns acting is getting better and better. He is a diligent listener and always heads the advice Kyungsoo gives him. The first time he took him to his apartment was quite frankly nothing but awkward, but after Kyungsoo made him Kimchi spaghetti and they talked, Baekhyun seemed to warm up to him. Good. He did what Yifan asked him. And it actually did something for Baekhyuns acting. Soon it becomes a routine for both of them to cook together after a long shooting day. Baekhyun is different when they are alone, he is still loud and boisterous but there is also this other side to him, where he is serious and talks about his love for ‘Legends of league’. Sometimes they don’t even talk and eat dinner comfortably in silence. Time flies by and the thing he never thought would happen actually does. They become friends. Kyungsoo doesn’t question their relationship further, he is contempt with Baekhyun as someone he can talk to, not the superficial stuff but profound topics he only ever talks to Junmyeon. 

 

##

 

Baekhyun is tired and Kyungsoo confuses him. By now they are three months into shooting. At first he was uncomfortable and awkward around set. But then he spent a decent amount of time with Kyungsoo after long days of work. He knows this is not completely voluntary on Kyungsoos part (he had overheard the talk Yifan had with him). What is it with Baekhyun and creeping into other peoples conversations? At first he was embarrassed, but Kyungsoo cooked for him and helped him with his acting and it stopped to feel like a ‘pity fuck’ as Jongdae liked to call it. Kyungsoo is easy to be around. His mere presences calms him. Maybe.. A small voice in his head whispers. Maybe Kyungsoo doesn’t even like him. Is he that good of an actor? All the evenings they spent witch each other, a lie? He wants the friendship he has with Kyungsoo to be real. He needs it to be real. The thought of being rejected scares him. Always has. He really wishes he was stronger, had more self esteem. He is good at what he does, he likes to think he is a decent singer and quite the atmosphere maker. But he despises the superficiality of the world he has such a huge impact in. Although he also knows he lightens up the days of so many people, thats what keeps in going after all. They world is confusing and Baekhyun is tired.

 

##

 

Kyungsoos head is going to burst. He is too old for this shit.

“Can you be quiet!?” He basically yells at Junmyeon, a pang of guilt immediately following afterwards.

“What is it with you today?” Junmyeon is way too used to Kyungsoos angry outbursts too take it personally. 

Kyungsoo gnarls through his teeth. “I drank too much soju yesterday.”

“Ts,ts. If you are getting drunk you have to drink double the water Kyungsoo, everybody knows that.” He hates being reprimanded by Junymeon.

“Shut up, hyung. Don’t lecture me on my day off.”

“So, you and Baekhyun have gotten comfy haven’t you?”

“What is your point?”

“Nothing, I am just glad it worked out in the end.”

Kyungsoo shows him the finger before he gulps down his coffee. Junmyeon snickers.

 

##

 

Baekhyun is drunk. He and Kyungsoo drank two bottles of soju after their dinner. Them getting drunk together happens more frequently is a recent event. Not that he is going to complain. It’s fun. Kyungsoo can be silly when he is tipsy. He gets all teasing and smiley. 

“No seriously I hate cucumbers, they are slimy and tastes like worms.” Baekhyun scrunches his nose. 

“Why would you know the taste of worms?”

“It was a bet okay?”

“Oh my god, gross Baekhyun.”

“Don’t judge me, I was 10.” He pouts. Kyungsoo grins at him.

“I’m sorry but you are really weird Baek.” Baekhyun likes the sound of Kyungsoo calling him that.

Not the weird part, but the Baek part. His swooning is interrupted by Kyungsoo.

“You ever heard of sponsors?” 

Baekhyun suddenly feels sober, he licks his dry lips. They burn. He nods.

“I am not that familiar with the concept, but I recently was introduced to the subject.” Kyungsoo looks thoughtful.

Baekhyun clears his throat. He doesn’t want to lie to Kyungsoo and before he can think about it he says:

“They wanted one of us to get one.” Baekhyuns voice falters. He is scared what Kyungsoo is going to think of him.

Kyungsoo doesn’t miss the fragility in Baekhyuns expression. But curiosity gets the bigger part of him.

“But why? S.M. entertainment is loaded.”

“True, but don’t forget they are business people and to be honest petty as fuck. Just think of what went down with some of the members of Super Junior, the lawsuit battles took ages. Or when Jessica left Girls Generation. Until this day she isn’t allowed to perform on major music programs, although she officially left S.M. entertainment on ‘good terms’. And rather than investing their own money they forced us to compensate for food, training and our dorm.” 

“Did they force you to do something?” 

Baekhyun visibly stiffens, averts his gaze as he continues talking.

“I don’t want you to think any less of me.” It’s nothing more than a murmur, barely loud enough for Kyungsoo to hear.

“Baekhyun… I would never.” Kyungsoo doesn’t know what to say. He didn’t expect this. Baekhyun always acts as if nothing in this world would bother him. Guess Joonmyeon was right. He sucks in reading people.

“It was right after our debut, which wasn’t as successful as expected of us. We were scared and we didn’t want it all to end before it even started. Not after we worked our asses of. And I felt guilty because I had only trained months instead of the years the others had been through. I felt like I wasn’t good enough, like I owned Minseok and Jongdae that much. I had to meet with my sponsor for a year. She was way older, but really pretty. I mean she had enough money for plastic surgery. But the the physical part was tough. Other than that she was generous and as our popularity had grown during that year, I was no longer obliged to meet her. She still sends me presents on my birthdays. I know I have every right to, but I don’t blame her. Others have it far worse than me. I feel sorry for alle the young girls who have to go through the same shit. I was lucky with my sponsor.” He buries his face into his hands.

Kyungsoos are clenched into fists. His knuckles are turning white, nails digging into his palm. He is furious. But he doesn’t want to upset Baek even more so he tries to remain calm. This is not the right time to act out on his anger management issues. 

“Gosh.” Baekhyun emits a shaky laugh. “I am fucked up, ain’t I?” He is surprised he managed to not bawl his eyes out for this long. He really thought he was over the whole sponsor thing. 

“You are not. This whole industry is. But none of that is your fault. People are suckers for illusions. The public loves pretty faces that make them forget their boring lives. They are greedy and forget that there is more to idols than their stage personas. They forget that you are actually humans with feelings, who aren’t supposed to be happy all the time. No one can be happy all the time. Look at me, I hate forced smiling.”

“Thanks for not hating me.” Fuck, now he is crying. But he realises he doesn’t really care that Kyungsoo sees him like this.

“I don’t think you have it in you to be hated Baek.” And most of all Kyungsoo could never bring himself to hate Baekhyun. Kyungsoos whole body tingles. Baekhyun looks vulnerable and he wants to hug him (wtf Kyungsoo?). He doesn’t mean to startle Baekhyun when he is abruptly standing up but he needs to get a grip of himself. Baekhyun continues to look at him with his puppy eyes and he hates it. hates it. hates it.

 

**##**

 

Jongdae tickles him. 

“You talk about Kyungsoo 24-7. So spill the tea Baekhyun, you are into him.”

“I am not.”

“Don’t lie.” 

“You are obnoxious, you know that?”

“Minseok loves me.”

“Hard to believe.”

Baekhyun hears Minseok laughing. He takes a pillow and starts beating the crap out of Jongdae.

“Aren’t you too old for pillow fights?” 

“Minseok, one is never too old for pillow fights.” Baekyhun says with all seriousness.

“Baekhyun wants to suck Kyungsoos dick.” Jongdae screeches. Baekhyun glares at him.

“Omg stop it Jongdae!” He hits him with the pillow. And he hopes it hurts.

“Minseok, come save me.” Jongdae throws himself theatrically into Minseoks arms. That guy has no shame. Baekhyun comes after him and hits him again. Minseok throws him an amused glance before he takes the pillow from him.

“You did that to yourself Jongdae. Quit being immature.” Jongdae looks scandalised.

“But I’m the Maknae. You have to be nice to me.” He attempts aegyo and fails miserably.

“You are only four months younger than me, idiot, and stop trying aegyo, you look ridiculous.”

“Don’t call me idiot, you are the idiot for not going after Kyungsoo. Also Minseok says I am very cute.” Baekhyun makes vomiting noises in response.

“It’s not that easy. I don’t even know if he likes men.”

“He has the lead role in a movie that couldn’t be any gayer. That has to mean something right?”

“I don’t know Jongdae, he could just be someone who isn’t homophobic, he doesn’t have to be into men for that?” Baekhyun feels dejected. Why is he getting his hopes up? 

“Don’t be sad Baek, anyone would be lucky to call you their significant other and if Kyungsoo doesn’t see that, his loss.” Minseoks words actually manage to make him feel a little bit better. He still has a crush on Kyungsoo though.

 

**##**

 

Baekhyun is a sentimental drunk. Always has been. Chanyeol never liked that. It wasn’t that Chanyeol was mean in any sense. He simply couldn’t comprehend Baekhyuns sadness. Chanyeol fell in love with his mischievous and easy- going stage persona. And when Baekhyun realised that, he was too scared to annoy Chanyeol with the self-conscious insecure real Baekhyun. So there their relationship went. They still talk to each other though. Kind of necessary when Chanyeol is one of the head producers at S.M entertainment. Baekhyun sometimes misses him. He misses the cuddles and the silliness they shared. They are going back being friends eventually, he is sure of that. Chanyeol never was one to hold grudges.

“Are you okay?” Baekhyun almost forgot that he was with Kyungsoo.

He hates his insecurities, he hates them. No one will ever bother to stay. He is too much of work. 

“You know the Baekhyun the public gets to see is only a stage persona. Sometimes I don’t even know who I am anymore. And no matter how often I will skip dinner and now matter how hard I work out and stick to my eating routine, those hips will never go away.

My eyes are too small and I don’t like how the look kind of droopy. Sometimes I wish I would have never made it. Just the ordinary Baekhyun who likes to sing at church and who gets into trouble because he slept during lessons. You know I really like to draw, I love gaming and I always wanted to become a vocal coach. I sorry for drowning you with my sorrows, you must think I am pathetic.”

“You are not pathetic.” Kyungsoo wants to hit someone right now. Sadness clings to Baekhyungs limbs, makes them heavy. 

“You don’t have to say that to make me feel better.” 

“I meant it Baekhyun.” Kyungsoos words soothe him and he closes his eyes. 

“Thank you.” he mumbles. He feels really comfy right know. Kyungsoo’s body besides him is soft and warm and the last thing he thinks about before sleep overtakes him are those huge eyes and pretty lips.

 

**##**

 

At night when Baekhyun is alone in his apartment all the doubts he repressed during the day come back. He is guilt ridden when he thinks of his ex- girlfriend. He hates himself for what he put Taeyeon through. He tried to talk to her a few times after they broke up. But the other members of Girls Generation were really protective of their leader and he never had the chance to speak to her alone. He wouldn’t have known what to say anyway. Whenever their groups had the same events to attend she wouldn't even look at him. If he still was to meet her eyes by accident, the betrayal and hurt in them made him sick with regret. They never broke up officially, orders of their company. Didn’t make things any easier. He didn’t receive any hate from fans, but after all this time people still harass her in the comments of her instagram account. Stupid double standards. Sometimes society makes him wanna scream. But in his huge apartment with its soundproof walls, what does it matter, no-one would ever hear him.

 

##

 

Today was their final day on set. Yifan had thanked them all, overly happy with the results and Kyungsoo almost felt sad. Okay, he felt sad. 

Baekhyun bursts into their trailer. “I can’t believe we are finally done Soo. Those 5 months flew by so fast. Is it always like that?” Kyungsoo musters him. Baekhyun beams at him.

“Yeah it often is, but you are right, this time it really felt like nothing.”

“We should definitely celebrate.”

“Soju and kimchi spaghetti?”

“Yup.”Baekhyun popps the ‘p’ and Kyungsoo hates it.

 

 

##

 

After they said their  teary goodbyes to the whole crew they went to Kyungsoos apartment. Both of them were already tipsy (there had been lots of soju on set today).  Baekhyun  wants to throw up.  Minseok and Jongdae told him that he isn ’ t being delusional, when he feels like there is more to their relationship.  “ He rarely smiles Baek and is face is scarily stoic, but when he is with you, something in his expression changes. It ’ s better to try  now  than to ask yourself the rest of your life, what  could have been .”  Minseok always gives great advice. Thats why he is Baekhyuns favourite hyung.

“You know Baek, it kind of sucks. I had conveniently put you into my drawer of annoying no brainy idols only to find out that I was an prejudiced asshole.” 

“To be fair you are still an asshole. Sometimes.” Baekhyuns giggles. Kyungsoo think he sounds pretty. He has to be more drunk than he initially thought. But he is really glad he got to meet Baekhyun. And that he found a friend in him. 

Soft lips are meeting his own. It takes Kyungsoo a second to comprehend what is happening.

Baekhyun..is kissing him? He freezes for a nanosecond. His body starts reciprocating the kiss, Baekhyun is clinging onto him and then … He blindly pushes the man in front of him. Baek hands still clutch onto his black sweater, his face is flushed. Confusion whirls in his eyes. Kyungsoo feels a pang in his chest.

“I thought you.…” Baekhyuns small voice stirs something in Kyungsoo. He tries to ignore it. 

“I’m not…” Kyungsoo is at loss of words, he balls his fists. Baekhyun’s sad expression changes. Something between confusion and hurt starts to distort his face.

“You are not what?” he presses out. But Kyungsoo remains silent. He doesn’t know what to say. He didn’t plan this to happen. This shouldn’t have happened. He is not into that kind of stuff. Baekhyun must have seen it in his eyes because his voice is suddenly cold.

“I can’t believe it. Rejecting me is one thing, I can’t force you to [reciprocate](http://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/reciprocate.html) my feelings, but you are a fucking hypocrite. We made a whole movie about this. Yet you are disgusted that there are some of us who like it up the ass, or am I fucking wrong?” Kyungsoo flinches at Baekhyuns cursing.

“Thats not the reason, I am not a homophobe Baek. I-I am-“ Kyungsoo is at a loss for words. “I am just not like that.” He wants the agony on Baekhyuns face to go away. Silence is stretching between them, getting more painful with each passing second.

Finally Baekhyun decides to speak again. There are t ears  starting to pool in his eyes. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to see them.

“Sorry for misreading you. HYUNG.” Baekhyun spits out the honorific like its meant to hurt. And it doesn’t miss its aim. 

Baekhyun takes a step back, then another. “I can’t believe how stupid I am.” A mere whisper. And then he turns around and disappears out of Kyungsoos apartment. 

Kyungsoo can’t stop looking at Baekhyun’s coat hanging beside the door. He touches the smooth fabric. Fuck. He repeats the same word over and over again. Fuck. He isn’t even sure, if he is saying it out loud or merely in his stupid head. As if it would make a difference. He hits his head against the wooden door Baekhyun just left behind him and sinks down onto his knees. He doesn’t know what to feel, what to think. He thinks of Baekhyun’s teary face.

Baekhyun with his obnoxious laughter and loud voice who never fails to annoy him. Baekhyun who is scared of the darkness and not being good enough. Baekhyun who sacrificed so much and never asks for anything in return. Fuck. 

 

 

 

**##**

 

The feeling of utter humiliation floods him. He almost trips while stumbling into his cold apartment. Baekhyun didn’t think it would hurt like that. He not only got his heart broken today but also lost what he thought was a close friend. How can he face Kyungsoo ever again now that he knows how Kyungsoo thinks about his sexuality? His looks into his bathroom mirror, the bright light stings. His eyes are swollen and red. Baekhyun had been crying the whole way home, ignoring the occasional glances of the cab driver, who to be fair seemed rather worried than curious. But still, he doesn’t want to explain himself, for once. He turns on the TV to replace the numbing silence, ‘We got married’ is on. Baekhyun chokes up when he sees the happy couple on screen.  What a nightmare. He will never be able to marry the person he loves. ‘Not fair.’ He says into the void of his apartment. He considers calling Taehyung, but he doesn’t want to bother him this late. Same goes for Minseok and Jongdae.

He doesn’t even bother to change his clothes before he falls into his bed, exhaustion soaking his bones. The tears start falling again and he just wants to sleep and forget. Stupid Kyungsoo and his owl- eyes and heart- shaped smiles. Why does he have to fall for him? It’s his own fault he lost a friend today. Had he never kissed Kyungsoo, maybe his homophobe side would have never been revealed and they could have stayed friends. His logic is flawed, but what can he say, he is desperate. He screams into his pillow until his throat hurts. After falling into the occasional whimper a deep slumber eventually overtakes him. 

**##**

 

Baekhyun wakes up at the crack of dawn. He doesn’t even have to look in the mirror to know how bloated his face must look. 

The next days he throws himself into work. They are preparing their comeback. At night he falls in his bed, too exhausted to overthink but never to exhausted to mumble Kyungsoo’s name until he falls asleep. He can’t help it. He hopes he will get over him, if he just keeps trying to focus on his career. Kyungsoo never calls, not even a text, he isn’t surprised. Minseok and Jongdae try to talk to him, but he screams at them until they give him space. He can feel their worried glances. He tries to keep it together. 

Taeyeon randomly pops into his mind again. She was older than him and he was starstruck. After the arrangement with his sponsor had ended he wanted to know what a relationship was like. He wanted to be loved and needed.  He lead her on. Although it wasn ’ t his intention, he hurt her. He was just a scared kid who was trying to come to terms with himself.  Sadness never quite left her eyes. No amount of make up could hide that. His relationships never work out. Kyungsoo is another proof for that. Sometimes he thinks Minseok and Jongdae only like him because they have to.

 

**##**

 

There is a knock on his door. Baekhyun groans, getting up anytime soon wasn’t on his priority list today. “I told you to leave me alone guys, I am fine.” He shouts at the door. Its almost painful how bad of a liar he is. Another knock. He whines (Jongdae would be proud of him) before he angrily walks to the door, tears it open. “WHAT?” 

Oh. Not the person he expected. He gulps. Definitely not the person he expected.

“Can I come in?” Her hair is brown now, falling in light curls over her shoulders. But her voice is just as warm as he remembers it.

“Taeyeon noona.” Baekhyun awkwardly tries to hide his bewilderment. Takes a step back. Hundreds of thoughts are running through his head right now. Why is she here? Does she still blame him? How does she know where he lives?

“Minseok told me your address, I hope thats okay.” One question down. Hundreds more to go.

“Of course, come in.” He hurries to take her coat and closes the door behind her.

“I am going to make us some tea, Jasmine still your favourite?” 

“You remember?” 

“Why wouldn’t I noona.” It feels weird to call her that after almost two years not talking to each other. But Taeyeon doesn’t seem to be bothered by it.

He puts the kettle on the oven, stealing occasional glances in her direction while she is curiously looking over his apartment. He can’t find a trace of uneasiness in her features. At least one of them isn’t nervous. Figures, since she could prepare herself for their encounter.

Taeyeon has gotten thinner and her skin is lighter. But he knows thats part of the deal. None of them can help it, if they want to be successful.

“Nice bangs.” Without thinking the words slip over his lips. She grins in response.

“I like your glasses.” He catches himself pouting. “You are making fun of me noona.”

“I am serious, you’ve grown up a lot since you broke up with me.” Baekhyun feels slightly uncomfortable, afraid that the tiredness in her face is entirely his fault. Again. 

“I am sorry noona.” She shakes her head. “Don’t be, we both made mistakes. I was in a bad place back then and I thought you were the answer. It never occurred to me that I could be the source of my own happiness.” 

“I have been working on a solo album for the past months and I am releasing my first song next week.”

“I am happy for you Noona.” He puts the cup in front of her.

“You know I wrote the lyrics after our break up.” Baekhyun simply nods, but his face must have revealed what he was thinking.

“Stop making that face, I have forgiven you a long time ago.” Taeyeon hits him with her small hands.

“Still, I hurt you.” Taeyeon snorts. Actually snorts? He chuckles at the sound.

“You told me you were gay and I took it personal, seriously I should be the one ashamed. You showed me your real self back then and I took it for granted.”

She takes a sip of the jasmine tea .

“You know I promised myself I would record this song when I could say your name without feeling as if my heart was going to burst. And I did.” 

Baekhyun feels incredibly relieved but he doesn’t know what to say, so he opts for silence. Taeyeon starts to speak again.

“Forgive me for asking, but you seem tired.” 

“I could say the same to you.”

“Yeah, I have my upcoming album as an excuse but your tiredness is different-“ she cocks her head, tries to figure him out. 

“Didn’t Minseok tell you?”

“Not a single word, he was never the talkative guy.” She laughs. “At least not in my presence.”

“I fell for the wrong person. And because of that I lost a close friend.”

“I figure you are talking about the same person. But either way, his loss. He must be quite dense to drop you.”

“It’s okay. Coming on to him kind of revealed what a homophobic shithead he is.”

“You still like him don’t you?”

“I am afraid I can’t help it.”

“Maybe you should talk to him. If there is one thing I have learned in the past, miscommunication can totally destroy relationships whether they are platonic or not.”

“I don’t know if I can face him.”

“You can’t run away forever, trust me, I’ve tried.” Her phone starts beeping. “I gotta go now, tight schedule.” She hops off the chair and hurries to get her coat.

“I hope you can figure your stuff out Baekhyun- ah.” He hopes so too. Taeyeon hugs him, her tiny waist so different from Kyungsoos. 

“We never officially separated Taeyeon noona.” 

“Does it bother you? I am seeing someone right now, but he isn’t an idol and prefers to stay out of the limelight. And you are gay.” He never thought about it that way. 

“I guess not.”

“Good, I still have the same phone number, don’t be a stranger, Baekhyun- ah.”

She is already halfway out the door when he suddenly remembers something.

“Taeyeon noona, whats the song called?” 

She gives him her characteristic smile, and he can’t help but smile back.

“Its called 11:11.”

 

**##**

 

“I fucked up big times Junmyeon.”

“What did you do?”

“I think I am in love with Baekhyun but he thinks I am an homophobic asshole.”

“To be honest I always thought you were kind of homophobic before you took this role. You know like the people who don’t want to see homosexual people kissing each other in public but claim they aren’t homophobes.”

“I am not a homophobe! I think I was in denial?”

“Makes sense I guess. Now that we established that you have been a closeted coward, tell me about Baekhyun.”

“He hates me, I…I don’t know how to fix this hyung.”

“What happened?”

“We wanted to celebrate that the movie is finally wrapped and so we went to my appartment like we always do and cooked together and then we got kind of drunk and talked and I thought about how pretty his giggles were and suddenly he kissed me. And I….I panicked and pushed him away.”

“And since you aren’t blessed with eloquence you fucked up explaining to him why you did that?”

“Help me Junmyeon.”

“I have never seen you like this Kyungsoo. But there is only one thing to do, if you really like him that much, for once do something that is out of your stupid comfort zone.”

“I probably don’t say it often enough…but…thank you, hyung.” Junymeons eyes soften.

“I love you too Soo and now hurry up.”

Kyungsoo is already halfway out when he hears:

“By the way Yifan and I are dating.”

 

 

**##**

 

Baekhyun hits the door in his face. But Kyungsoo is faster. Baekhyun stares at his foot like he can’t comprehend that Kyungsoo actually has the audacity to block the door. 

“I need you to listen Baek.”

“Don’t call me that. We are not friends Kyungso- ssi.”

Baekhyun looks fragile and small and Kyungsoo hurries because he can’t bear any longer to be the source of Baeks agony.

“You know in a way I always knew I liked men, but since I was attracted to women as well, it was an easy choice. Of course I went with the socially acceptable preference. My pointis, I’m in love with you.” He almost screams the last words. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long too realise. But I was scared and I’m an asshole. And I don’t like to be thrown outside my comfort zone. And I’m so in love with you it hurts. I’m an asshole and I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to do this right. But I wanna do it right. So I did some research and I brought…” He stutters. Then takes a bottle of lube and condoms out of his hoodies pocket. 

Baekhyun stares at him and then at the lube and condoms before he starts hysterically giggling. “Kyungsoo what the fuck?”

Kyungsoo can feel the blood rushing to his cheeks and nape.

“Omg.” He clearly panics. Baekhyun temporarily ponders if this is a dream. 

“I am sorry, I think I accidentally skipped some steps. I am kind of nervous.” Kyungsoos palms are sweaty as fuck and he hopes Baekhyun won’t notice.

“You don’t say.” Baekhun replies dryly. “I am still mad at you, but you are lucky you are cute.” He takes his hand (Kyungsoo cringes) and drags him inside his flat. “You are letting in all the cold.”

“So how do you wanna do this?”

Kyungsoo averts his gaze not meeting Baekhyungs mischievous smile. 

“I, ahm-” He coughs. “I practiced.”

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun is confused.

“Omg this is so awkward.” The exasperation in Kyungsoo’s voice is hilarious. “I touched myself Baek, so that I would be prepared.” Kyungsoo’s face is beet red. 

“Oh, you mean, you, oh.” He tries to suppress the giggle, he really does.

“I wanted to do this right.” If Kyungsoo is getting any redder, Baekhyun is afraid he might burst.

“Thank you for that. That means a lot Soo.” 

“I have never done this before.” Kyungsoo is trembling now.

“I know.” It’s weird to be in charge. But he doesn’t want to make Kyungsoo even more uncomfortable.

“I feel like you deserve better.” Kyungsoo whispers.

“It’s okay.” He presses a reassuring kiss on Kyungsoo palm. “I really want this.”

“But I don’t expect you to bottom, if you are not comfortable with that. As a matter of fact, we don’t have to take things further, if you are not ready. We can just make out on the couch and watch ‘Yuri on Ice’.”

“But I want to. I am just scared.” Kyungsoo mumbles not quite meeting Baekhyuns eyes. 

“You have to at least look at me Soo. I feel like I am molesting you right know.”

“I am sorry.”

“Don’t be. Just tell me what you want.”

“I want to kiss you.”

He lifts his head finally meeting Baekhyuns expecting gaze. 

“What are you waiting for?” Baekhyun whispers, bringing his face closer to Kyungsoo’s. Kyungsoo looks at Baekhyuns pouty lips, he hesitates but only for a second and then his lips touch Baekhyuns. They break apart, never leaving each others eyes, their chest heaving like they just ran a marathon or in Kyungsoos case 200 metres instead of the 42 kilometres. He hates cardio. Baekhyun can’t resist. He starts running his hands over Kyungsoos muscular body. Kyungsoo shyly reciprocates his actions. They stumble onto Baekhyuns bed. Kyungsoo loosing his shirt in the process. Kyungsoo lifts Baekyhuns oversized shirt. And suddenly Baekhyun is the one getting shy.

“You are aware that there is nothing wrong with your body right?”

“I don’t have a sixpack.” 

“I don’t care. To be honest since I’m bi, you’re kind of giving me the illusion of hooking up with a woman.”

“Thats sexist in so many ways you idiot! First of all women can build muscles as well and manliness isn’t defined by a sixpack. I cannot believe you actually said that.” Baekhyun looks adorable when he is angry. 

“I was kidding Baek.” Kyungsoo chuckles. 

“My manager gave me quite the lecture about gender stereotypes and how all of this works. Told me I was an ignorant prick.” He slightly pecks Baekhyun on his lips. 

“Careful there, I only forgave you like two seconds ago and you are on the verge of messing up again.” 

“I’m sorry Baek, don’t be mad.” Kyungsoo does aegyo, he actually does aegyo! Baekhyun thinks he might have a stroke. But then Kyungsoo is kissing him again and the feeling of his plush lips is amazing. They part to catch their breath, Kyungsoo is lying on top of him. He can feel Kyungsoos arousal. His huge eyes are clouded with lust although he still looks nervous. Kyungsoo looks vulnerable and hot and Baekhyun wants him, really wants him. 

Baekhyun clears his throat.

“Lets get naked, okay?” Kyungsoo nods and sits up, starting to open the chuckle of his belt. Baekhyun is already missing the warmth of his body.

They are both naked now and Baekhyun is so overwhelmed by Kyungsoo that he doesn’t has time to think about his insecurities. He takes the bottle of lube Kyungsoo brought and pours some of its content onto his fingers. Kyungsoo is laying in front of him all pliant and timid. Baekyun thinks he is gorgeous. 

“I am going to prep you now. It will sting at first, but it will get better I promise. If you don’t like it we can stop, okay, Soo?”

Kyungsoo gulps but nods eagerly. Baekhyun was right, the first finger feels just weird but the second and the third burn. He squirms a little. 

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah keep going.” Kyungsoo blushes, which makes Baekhyun chuckle.

After that it gets better and when Baekhyun finds his prostate the feeling is amazing. Who would have thought? He is not the only one affected, Baekhyuns face is flushed and when Kyungsoo gazes down his body, well, he gets impatient. 

“Baek? Can you…can we..?” Baekhyun withdraws his fingers and chuckles again. 

“Sure.” Baekhyun positions himself, his eyes never leaving Kyungsoos.

“Tell me if it hurts.” 

And damn it does hurt, the first seconds of Baekhyun entering him burn like hell, Baekhyun stills and gives him time to adjust. He is beautiful and considerate and… Kyungsoo pulls him down for a kiss.

“I think you can move.”

“Okay.” Baekhyun is already heaving a little, not that Kyungsoo is in any different state. 

Kyungsoo didn’t expect that sex with a man would feel this good. Baekhyun rolls his hips against Kyungsoo, and he moans.

“Omg, Baek, feels so good.” Baek drowns his moans with kisses, he is going faster now. 

“Soo can you touch yourself, I don’t think I can last much longer.” Kyungsoo does what he is told, his moaning getting louder (he didn’t even know himself, that he was capable of those sounds?). 

Suddenly Baekhyun groans but he doesn’t stop moving, his hand joining Kyungsoos. 

“Come for me Soo.”

And again Kyungsoo does what he is told. He involuntarily arches his back, the sensation of his orgasm too intense to control his movements anymore. 

“That was hot.” Baekhyun carefully pulls out and beams at Kyungsoo. He gets up from the bed in all his naked glory and Kyungsoo doesn’t like it.

“Come back.”

“I need to clean us up cutie.” To that Kyungsoo blushes for the [umpteenth](https://www.dict.cc/englisch-deutsch/umpteenth.html) time today.

 

Afterwards Baekhyun is happy and content, his head is tucked under Kyungsoos chin who is spooning him. Baekhyun sleepily babbles and Kyungsoo listens intently.

“I wanna adopt kids with you and I wanna hold your hand and I wanna go grocery shopping on lazy Sundays.”

“The stores are closed on Sundays silly.”

“Not the ones at the train stations, dough.”

“I know one that has opened 24-7. We don’t even have to leave this area.”

“Kyungsoo?”

“Hm?”

“I’m glad we met.”

 

##

 

The next day Baekhyun wakes up alone. The bed is cold. He shouldn’t have been this naive. Did he actually believe Kyungsoo would stay because of him? Kyungsoo has too much to lose and he totally understands why he cannot be enough. But rationality doesn’t soothe the pain in his chest. Gosh don’t be such a drama queen, Byun Baekhyun. You have been through worse. Not rue through. He doesn’t feel the pain of his knees hitting the hard floor.

Baekhyun can’t control the sobs that start escaping his throat. Stupid, stupid, he is so stupid.

 

‘Baek? Someone is calling him. The voice is familiar. He blinks through the veil of tears he managed to produce within sheer seconds. Must be a new record. Maybe he will get into the Guiness book for that. 

“Hey.” There it is again, that soothing warm voice, now a slight panic to it. Is he going crazy? He thought it would take him longer to lose his mind after he was dumped. Another record, yay.

“What’s wrong?” 

He is desperately trying to muffle his sobs, too embarrassed to continue his break down in front of this person. When his vision starts to clear he looks up.

Soo is standing in front of him. Baekhyun is stupid. Why didn’t he recognise his voice? “Because you thought he left for good.” A small voice in his head whispers. And this time he seriously can’t help it, he starts bawling like there is no tomorrow. 

“Oh my good, Baek.” Kyungsoo lets himself down on the could floor and hugs Baekhun tightly. Baek sobs even louder. 

“Hey, its okay, its okay.” Kyungsoo hugs him closer and kisses Baeks forehead. 

Five minutes later Baekhyun has calmed down enough to finally tell Kyungsoo whats wrong. Too afraid to say it out lot, because it is still a very real possibility (what if he repeats it thrice and it actually happens??) he mumbles softly: “I thought you left.”

“Silly.” Kyungsoo chides him as he pulls him into his lap. “Thats quite irrational. Even for you Baek.” 

“Hey!” his complaint is weak if not non-existent. “Whats that supposed to mean?” 

But he is rather satisfied sitting in Kyungsoo’s lap and he doesn’t plan to ever leave it again. Okay maybe when he needs something to eat or when he has to use the bathroom. But thats about it. He wishes he was a vampire, then he would only need the blood bag he is currently sitting on. But what if Kyungsoo needs to use the bathroom? He has to be a vampire as well. Can vampires feed on each other? Baekhyun decides they can. And with that he nuzzles his face closer to Kyungsoos soft neck and hums satisfied. 

“Hey don’t you dare falling asleep on me.”

After they have made it to the kitchen table and ate the breakfast Kyungsoo went out to get Baekhyun is picked up by him and carried to the couch, where he plants Baekhyun on his lap. He kisses Baekhyuns nose tip. Baekhyuns heart does that weird thing again. 

“I really don’t feel like leaving you Baekhyun.” 

 

 

**##**

 

Kyungsoo sometimes wonders what Baek sees in him. They have been dating for some months now. Minseok and Jongdae eventually forgave him especially after Jongdae threatened to rip his balls of if he was ever going to hurt Baekhyun like that again. Baekhyun. They don’t spent as much time with each other as they want to. Both are at the height of their careers, and their schedules interfere way to often with their private lives. But they don’t hide from the public that they are spending time with each other. Fansites are going berserk, filled with snapshots of them in public and speculations about the nature of their relationship. Nothing unusual. Other idols get the same shit whether they are dating or not. When asked they play the “we are close” card. Even Minseok got away with calling him and Jongdae a married couple.

Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo and his heart aches. They haven’t said the L word to each other yet. First of all Kyungsoo isn’t one to express his emotions with words, he rather shows it with sweet actions, like cooking for Baekhyun or cuddling him when he thinks Baekhyun is asleep. And Baekhyun thinks thats okay. But he ponders a lot on  their relationship and  eventually doubt starts to build up again.

“Do you think we are cowards?”

“What do you mean Baek?”

“I am gay and you are bisexual, yet we don’t speak open about it because we are afraid to loose our careers? I talk a lot to my fans about tolerance and accepting each other, but you know, doesn’t that make me a hypocrite?

“I don’t think it is that easy Baek. The society we live in is complicated. Even heterosexual idols face huge backlash when their relationships are made public. ”

“I know but someone has to start, I mean someone has to make sacrifices in order to make a difference right, to change the way things are for people like us?”

Kyungsoo kisses him, carefully holding Baekhyuns face in his hands. Baekhyuns stomach feels funny, his heart is clenching really bad. He sighs into the kiss. They look at each other. Kyungsoo is still holding his face in his hands, his thumb following the line of Baekhyun lips.

“You are right, and I love you for that.” Baekhyun begins to tear up (omg, why does this always happen, when he is with Kyungsoo??).

“Stop it you crybaby.” 

Kyungsoo loves him. He loves him. Baekhyun hiccups. 

“I love you too.”

“I know Baek, you aren’t that subtle.” Baekhyun doesn’t care, he hugs Kyungsoo as hard as he can.

“Making ‘Surface’ was a step in the right direction and it will help to vocalise the issue of discrimination towards anyone who is doesn’t fit in by societies standards. And we starred in it Baek. People will want to hear our opinions on those topics and we will answer them truthfully. It’s not much, but it’s a step in the right direction. Don’t you think.?”

 

##

 

Their movie is critically acclaimed not only by many of their fans but also by the public in general.  Of course there was an outcry of ignorant people as well. But yeah whatever. Kyungsoo doesn ’t care.  Yifan is more than happy with the reception, already planning his next project, something involving parallel universes (?). Kyungsoo only knows that because Junmyeon WON’T SHUT UP about the director. He is currently watching a documentary with subtitles on and volume switched off, the only source of sounds being the puppy noises Baekhyun always makes when he is asleep. Kyungsoo stares at him.  He adores Baekhyun. And not even he is that emotionally constipated to not realise that. Who would have thought that someone like Baekhyun would fall in love with him?

People usually bore him and he doesn’t bother to dig deeper. But this time is different, h e really likes to scratch Byun Baekhyun ’ s surface.

 


End file.
